No wonder you got it at half price, Mick laughed. Two paddies were working for the city public works department. The Irish pride themselves on their humor. Two weeks later, the doctor walks down the street and sees the patients wife. Hello Mrs Murphy, he says, hows your husband?. I say, tis a remarkable dong you have there, Paddy was prompted to remark. About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features NFL Sunday Ticket Press Copyright . How do I leave?, The desk clerk says, Sir, thats absurd. Miss OLeary, he says, you havent made a single payment on your new windows. Theyre called tees, replies Tiger. It was offensive." The Jew pauses and replies "I guess you had to be there." . This funny collection of friendly and good jokes, riddles and puns about sickness are clean and safe for children of all ages. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded and that the one other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house. Where people seem to think all Irish people live. ", "Denise actually, I quite like that. *While it is legal to own a radar detector in the Republic of Ireland, it is illegal to use it. Whether you're a doctor, nurse, medical or healthcare student, or another member of the healthcare force. A proctologist gets sick of his medical career and decides it's time for a change. The best Irish joke ever - YouTube Disclaimer: I left themajorityof the more offensive Irish jokes to the end, but one of the lads sent me this in a text and I thought it was gas (Irish slang for funny)! 10. Its a cuckoo., Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, Ill go with cuckoo as my answer.. Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) March 16, 2011 Here are the best Irish jokes and one liners that I know. The lawyer asks the first question. Funny sickness jokes for kids It got too warm in the cockpit so he switched off the fan! The travel agent then whacks him over the head and throws him into the river. Theres probably a handful of great bad Irish jokes below, along with some shite ones, too. Two Irishmen, Declan and Seamus were walking down a country road, when they. When the interview was over, the interviewer told him that all applicants had to complete a test. He asks if God wants to hear a holocaust joke. New category: The Delightful List of Jokes. Back at Mother Superiors bed, she held the glass to her lips. Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?. I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. Not looking up from her knitting, the wife says: Now dont be silly dear, you know that this car doesnt have cruise control. As the garda writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, Cant you please keep your mouth shut for once? The wife smiles demurely and says, You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did. As the garda makes out the second ticket for the illegal use of a radar detector unit*, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, Woman, didnt I tell you to keep your mouth shut! The garda frowns and says, And I notice that youre not wearing your seat belt, Sir. A lad from Clare went to his local doctor with cramps from constipation. 81. 10 Things Irish People Abroad Are Sick of Hearing o give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. Paddy and Murphy are on holiday in Santa Ponsa and are running out of money when they see a sign that reads: Spend 10 minutes in a room with a million flies and ear 2000. Sick Irish Jokes by Patrick Morrison | Goodreads Jump to ratings and reviews Want to read Buy on Amazon Rate this book Sick Irish Jokes Patrick Morrison 0.00 0 ratings0 reviews 50 pages, Paperback Book details & editions About the author Patrick Morrison 7 books1 follower Ratings Reviews Friends Following He asks the first fella for his name and address. "Who told you that?". New Jokes 2022 [2021] | Short-Funny.com He disappeared without a tres. Everything is riding on this question. The old men look at each other and shake their heads. The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. Best Irish Jokes: Paddy Does It Again. So he walks up behind her and says Mary, can you tell me whats for dinner? I'd wear green for St. Patrick's Day, but I find it makes pale, blonde me look like Phlegm. I havent got a clue. said Mick, So Ill use the last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin But no matter how hard it gets, there's always a cold weapon known as a sense of humor. Oh my God she replied. Taking a stupid bet like that. An old Jew dies and goes to Heaven. Theres nothing to worry about, but we will be 15 minutes late inlanding at Gatwick. 30 funny Scottish jokes: the most hilarious one-liners, puns and gags about Scotland From Frankie Boyle to Billy Connolly, Scotland isn't short of comic jokesmiths - here are thirty funny jokes. "Well the first shot always tastes like crap, and the last one always makes me sick. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? ? he replies. Paddy says: "Are you on foot or in the car?" Billy replies: "In the car." "Well that's the quickest way," says Paddy. From silly puns to pub jests, to funeral jokes, the Irish humor has something for everyone. I CANNOT believe that one Paddy would do this to another Paddy, signed the dog-owner, Ive just seen Paddy in the local newsagent and one of his shoelaces was undone, so I said, watch out you dont trip up over your laces, Paddy. In the section below, weve popped in the most FAQs that weve received. So the doctor gives the man the tablets, and the patient asks, Do I have to take them every day? No, replies the doctor, take one on a Monday, skip the Tuesday, take one on Wednesday, skip the Thursday and go on like that. Horse Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At | Reader's Digest My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction. Have you ever actually had a drink yourself?, Well of course I havent, what a ridiculous question., Then you dont know what youre talking about., I dont need to taste the demon drink to know that its evil!, Look, how about this - I will buy you a drink. Of course, said the president. What is a redneck virgin? Take your axe and go cut it down.. You never wear your seat belt when youre driving. And as the garda is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, WHY DONT YOU PLEASE SHUT UP? The Italian lawyer persists and says that the game is a lot of fun. Well, what on the gods earth are dey for? inquires the Irishman. Although youll find heaps of funny Irish jokes above, theresheapsof jokes that have been added by readers in the comments section. Irish Jokes (Short Jokes, Long Jokes, and Paddys) Paddy's Doughnuts. Whats the story? Paddy asks when he sees the look on Sheamuss face. Ah here, you drank those very quickly said the barman. The driver says, Well, you see, sir, I had it on but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket. The wife says, Now, dear, you know very well that you didnt have your seat belt on. 6. P.S Dont forget to like our Facebook page on Irish jokes, Categories Ireland, Irish Humor, Irish Jokes, Irish Memes, Irish Pictures, Irish Poem: To A Child Dancing In The Wind, By W. B. Yeats, Incantata, By Paul Muldoon An Irish Poem About A Friend And Their Strength. 87 Coronavirus And Quarantine Jokes To Retrain Your Face To Smile. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well. Thats an on-the-spot 60 euro fine. . Well says Ben, If you had what I had youd drink them quickly, too. So do not take any personally!! Itll take over your life! Yes, this is another potentially offensive and dirty Irish joke involving sheep. 50 F' Up Offensive Jokes - So Filthy You'll Need a Shower - Ponly She just looked at the president and said, Would you like to take my bet? Certainly, replied the president. The Irishman replies, Have some respect. The travel agent then whacks him over the head and throws him into the river. From down stairs Paddy could be heard "WHAT'S THE USE OF FOOKIN ONE?". Beginning to get a bit irritated, the tourist asks, Habla Espanol? The men once again shake their heads. One of the best Irish jokes follows a flustered Irishman who wasn't able to find a parking space in a large mall's car park. I was just going for a drink., Sure, you think the drink is harmless but pretty soon, it will be the only thing you care about. The priest turned to the Altar boy and whispered, Is That Fanny Green ?, The bug-eyed altar boy couldnt believe his ears but managed to calmly reply,. Looking to be cheered up? They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. What are you doing working here so late at night? Joseph called. Irish Fishing Trip. Irish jokes are famous across the world, some good and some bad. Sure, I rather have Parkinsons, replied Sean, Tis better to spill a couple of ounces of Jameson whiskey than to forget where you keep the bottle!. ! Well no. The man from the window company called Miss OLeary on the telephone. 60. The new man is hired at a building site. The priest fearing the worst asks, "What does that mean?". But could you put it in a cup? An Irishman was in New York patiently waiting to cross a busy street. Your husband fell into a vat of Guinness and drowned. 6. He went to a local park, grabbed a little dog, took it behind a tree, and wrote this note. When the barman arrived back with the pint, all of the shots of whiskey had been drunk. Holy smokes! Said the Foreman. "Hello Paddy, but where is my husband? 20 Really Funny Religious Jokes | Laugh Away | Humoropedia Mary, for Christs sake can ye be telling me whats for dinner ?. Hey, what is that thing, anyway? Potto who? After thinking for a considerably longer time, the Irishman suddenly grabbed the pencil, drew a little blop on the bottom right-hand side of each three, and handed the paper back to the interviewer. Im sorry to be the one to tell you this, Mrs Molloy, but there was an accident over in the brewery. Finally, she made her choice and asked the shop assistant called Mick, How much is this gold tinsel?, Mick seeing the pretty girl, said, This week we have a special offer, just one kiss per metre., Wow, thats grand, said Mary. An Irishman is struggling to find a parking space. The priest and the lawyer lower a lifeboat. But as a daughter gets older, she will stay near the family, draining it of . have willies. Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan. I just drive everywhere. Wasnt your man after telling me those windows would pay for themselves in a year? Later that day when Paddy gets home from the pub he sees Mary in the kitchen cooking dinner and he was in the hallway. Is there something the matter? Bristling with annoyance, Miss OLeary replies. Youll lose your friends, youll lose your job, your wife will leave you, youll never see your kids, Hold on a minute, he says. asks the attendant. Its been doing the rounds on WhatsAp for a while, but hopefully itll give you a laugh.

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