I need to feel cherished, looked at and touched in a non-sexual way THEN when I feel loved and safe, I want to please my man. I have given up trying since the rejections and sometimes total indifference is devastating. If your wife has recently lost interest in sex, it might be tied to her feelings about her body these days. Over time, expressions of love change form and that unbridled passion can begin to dull down. No amount of counseling or therapy etc etc will change this. She would be lost. You were something OTHER. Its the only wu to turn this round. struggles or clinical depression? For most women, sexual desire is fueled by romantic feelings for their partner. Life is complicated at every age but I think as people age, hormone levels drop of course and the baggage of decades gone by begins to weigh heavy on both parties. 1. He also has an enlarged prostate and his GP said that testosterone therapy could bring on cancer. She has absolutely no interest in it. I had a client recently who was so angry at her spouse, she said she didnt want to have any physical intimacy with her husband, If he wants to get divorced, let him get divorced, she said. This break down could be for a number of reasons: Some are directly related to her man. I havent yet but I am going to find sex outside my home. I understand, Im in the same position, although not as long of a time period without sex. Not many people enter their senior years wit an active sex life, some do, but not many. Men are very simple to please. Loved sexI mean with exuberance and joy. Avoiding divorce, men have two choices, acceptance/celibacy or cheating. What steps can I take to help my wife get in the mood? Even without your wife, seeing a therapist will help you learn how to communicate with her, and give you new ways of looking at your marriage and strategies for coping. Even if you have something as small as a minor headache or you cut yourself while cooking, a loving wife will always be ready to pounce and get the first aid kit. My husband has no sex drive at all. (she has seen a councelor) and she this has gone on for years and may take years to heal and maybe I will never heal. Meanwhile. Research shows that sexual communication was. If its just drynesswhich is common as women ageas well as using lubricant youll also want to be sure that your wife is aroused, even before any genital touching. I caught my husband with his ex girlfriend. She likely doesn't want you to touch her bc whenever you do it leads to an implied intimacy interaction she doesn't want. If he would quit his demands, realize Im not who I was, be cheerful and easy, love life and just lighten up, Id make sure he is sexually satisfied WAY MORE OFTEN. It can be helpful to have this conversation with the help of a sexuality professional, such as a sex therapist or coach. Still, I was ready to jump back into things in the bedroom. I cannot take any form of estrogen and I literally have lost all desire. Choosing a date of the week for example, in which she will be the one to request it. Im just not happy & want much more for in life. Kelly Gonsalves is a sex educator, relationship coach, and journalist. Ive tried everything I can think of but Ive given up. I have come to that conclusion also. She received her journalism degree from Northwestern University, and her writings on sex, relationships, identity, and wellness have appeared at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere. (For the record, I would cook, but Im terrible at it). That is love. What to Do If Your Wife No Longer Loves You - Verywell Mind I dont look my age at all! Hes my best friend, the love of my life, an amazing Dad, my confidant and my everything. There is hope on the horizon. The guy is obviously attracted to you and enjoys your company or why the 30 year dating? At that time my job became demanding. Have you considered opening your relationship or swinging together? I actually envy those that are single. He started blaming his medication but when I checked that out he moved on to another excuse. Her duty? If your wife thinks she may have vaginal atrophy, I hope shell see a knowledgeable doctor or pelvic floor therapist to get a diagnosis and treatment plan that can alleviate her discomfort. With the help of psychotherapist Gopa Khan (Masters in Counseling Psychology, M.Ed), who specializes in marriage and family counseling, lets unravel the reasons behind why theres no intimacy in your marriage from your wife, so you can ascertain the difference between an unloving wife or one who has subliminally been trying to send you a message. If a couple's sex life continues to follow a routine that doesn't tend to feel good for the woman, she may lose interest in having sex entirely. The vast majority are trained to be misandrists and far too many are grotesquely unethical. Im 65 and just want a happy, peaceful existence and I cope with EVERYTHING 100% , except sex. He has an expectation of honesty and communication, perhaps, but only if he is providing the same for you. you get it. For me my wife has me feeling guilty and hesitant and re framing from touching her in any way. /* One of you simply wants sex more often than the other does. Never did I roll over and fall asleep, and always tried to give her an orgasm until I had one. But we didnt know what we had. Or does it not matter what the man wants? You need to be in the counseling with her because if there is no goal to overcome the issue then its just a feel good talk of sympathy and thats not treatment. . Outwardly to friends he seems a good husband, and he is BUT he will not have sex as he dies not fancy me anymore! Women arent suitable for long term monogamy. Doing some bootie grabbing or not being a standing up participant?!? Arthritis: No Cure, But Ways to Ease the Pain. A woman figures that out, shell be HAPPILY married! He is a selfish person he is only thinking of himself. Bitter? My wife and I are in our 60s, very active and in good health. Should they chew the food and pretend it tastes wonderful? Sex is supposed to be for the mutual benefit of both partners, not one person using the other. It will never balance out. Your wife avoids intimacy because she feels neither desirable nor sexy. My NEW husband gets a hard on, loves me to give him oral sex but is not sexually attracted to me at all. Men, if you want sex and the answer at home is no, you can accept that the last time you had sex will be it until you die. He feels unwanted or unappreciated. Sexuality is just part of the human condition but a life partner who is no longer interested or capable of providing that experience must be respected and understood. . Hopefully I will die and be out of this misery. Here are some reasons that your wife might never initiate getting intimate with you in the bedroom. Sex is not just about giving what you get, its about an experience that both partners should enjoy equally. Talk to your wife about the lack of intimacy and work through your issues together, as a team. We have not slept in the same room for years because of his snoring. Nothing has changed. He shows no interest or emotional desire to engage in sex or affection. I have spent most of my life not being spoiled by anyone. The problem with respecting a partner who doesnt want sex any longer, is that the other person who does want sex needs to be respected too. Dont worry about having sex for a long time. When this happens I can not go back to sleep so my sleep is totally disrupted to the point of causing me to be unable to go about my day normally. Moving forward, the endless rejection led me to stop trying to initiate sex, because the repeated rejections is having an effect on my confidence and self esteem. Couples can even have a thriving sex life during their 40s, if they wish to do so. I asked her to consult with her doctor about her sex desire and they may prescibe hormone therapy. You have grown as a human being . In most cases, Ive seen that men dont realize and acknowledge the needs of their wives. Wtf do you think he has been doing. I knew I had to do something. Ive even had the gumption to suggest that if HE doesnt desire sex, then maybe he could still give me pleasure. But it isnt. Communication will go a long way in improving your sex life. After my wife lost interest, I told her that we either opened our marriage or divorced. Once the women have these needs fulfilled the sexual desire for the man that gave them all the things they desired goes away. We werent intimate back then, and a quirk of fate brought us together recently. I became completely numb to anything. You should know the truth brother. I urge you to seek help now. Simply, and probably naively, the answer to your question is, NO, it is *not* my right, nor in any way acceptable. I wish you well and hope you find some consolation The role only involves the two lovers and an invited therapist they consented to. But if he cared for me a hug would be nice. We have talked and talked with and without therapist, but its just talk. A sexologist is not going to be able to overcome a lack or imbalance of hormones. Senior Planets comments are open for all readers/subscribers; we love hearing from you! However, if the unfortunate situation arises where your wife never initiates physical contact because shes having an affair, you need to deal with it gently. Sounds to me like youve picking your men from the bar. Tired of initiating intimacy? Should a husband and wife have equal weight in decision making when the husband shoulders ultimate risk for the consequences? Is the meds freak Im a woman that actually wants it my newlywed husband has no interest but I can tell he feels bad but hes ex military so hes to prideful to get pills Im 41 i been told a lot that Im beautiful .. ok not going there but I know Im a catch but even making him food in a nighty doesnt work he says wow babe thanks am like . 35 Sweet Things To Say To Your Wife To Make Her Go Awww! There is only one person I love adore and desire. Make your own porn and watch that. Thats not going to make you happy in the long run!!! But, do not sell yourself. Introspect a little and see how invested you are in her pleasure. And its been going that way for years. She started the menopause change about 3 years ago, however sex prior to that was maybe every few months for probably 7 years. In addition to working with individuals in her private practice, Kelly serves as the Sex & Relationships Editor at mindbodygreen. There are many reasons. It's possible that you and your wife simply have different needs when it comes to sex. My functioning would be fine when engaging in sex with a woman for the first time, paid sex, and one night stands. Men dont want to force their wives into sex, nor do they want to beg for it. I have never been a man so I cannot empathize with a man. I cant have sex do to pain and believe me I truly hat it. I cant stop thinking about it. The man in solitary pleasure can flavour his immediate physical sensation with the remembrance of shared pleasures, whereas the woman in giving but taking no pleasure in sex finds her memories of shared pleasure to be sullied. After reading most of the above letters I have come to the conclusion that married couples, for the most part, have all entered into relationships, never having the correct training. 2. I know couples who watch it together and I believe my wife and her friend are closed minded and in denial of their contribution, or lack thereof in being that person who can meet the wants and needs of their husbands. She is just plain not sexually attracted to me. Your story is very very simular to mine. He has type 1 diabetes and is impotent so I can understand the no sex, but no hugs or cuddles or anything? Males are not embarrassed about describing a frigid or non sexual wife, but they will never mention their own lack of desire and often get angry if their partner inquires as to why? And really dont know what to do. Im so confused. Once menopause hit her desire for sex evaporated. At least the replies here seem to reflect this, noting that the opposite can and does happen. Welcome to, IMO, male divine right. Wtf are we supposed to do when our spouse doesnt want to make love? I appreciate the fact that my wife has stayed with. I think it was William Shakespeare who pondered what an irony it was that desire usually so outlasts ability. 2 weeks later I spoke to her again and ended up asking if she knew what I was suggesting. Not addressing the problem out of fear of confrontation will only make matters worse. It sounds like there are many many committed marriages but seemingly to unwise and probably unloving spouses. Love will always outweigh the brief pleasure that $$ and status can provide. We try not to get in each others way and we havent had a conversation in years. That partner who ignores your tears and tender pleas do not seem to mind your needs going unmet. Frankly; its time to move on and out . Bonnie, thank you for commenting. Send Joan your questions by emailingsexpert@seniorplanet.org. You ever think about getting some on the side? My doctor has tried several medications to stop any and all sexual feelings that I feel , but the side effects have always been so adverse that none of them worked out. Fully. I get tired of waking up because I realize Im having an erotic dream and humping the bed. Its only going to get worse. 3. I'll go out on a limb and suggest that your wife isn't sexually aroused by being treated well. I guess my story isnt as bad as many. Will not do anything about it.. Refuses everything and anything to do with sex. The more I got, the more I wanted. I cant hurt her, no way! That had bee. She will not go to any therapy. I suggest that you forget about sex and focus more on hugging, cuddling and kissing. Four in five couples dealt with a desire discrepancy1 in the past month, according to one 2015 study. . She has the house and I have my private place seperate from the main house. But he keeps wanting to try and work on it and cant seem to accept that Im changing as I grow old. We may as well sleep in separate beds at this point. Now, for the past several months, we go to bed together and after I have fallen asleep, he starts masterbating and the shaking of the bed awakens me. I wish you the best. married 57 years. She refuses to talk about it. Our world is obsessed with sex and without understanding the unity of compassion, respect, close bonds after many years of being together. Sexual intimacy is kissing, hugging, touching, petting, laying baked, masturbating one another, oral sex and that look of intensity that tells you that you are desired. I certainly feel your pain and utter frustration. Her duty? I say bullshit to every man and women experiencing no sex in a relationship if they want it with their partner. Please go find someone else to enjoy sex with if you can. Finally someone is pointing out this is not a divided hate forum. The wife never initiates physical contact if shes unhappy with the strength of the relationship, says Gopa. There is some offensiveness directed towards men but I can benefit from your observations. Research shows that women who had a positive view of themselves reported higher levels of intimate encounters and arousal. And Im okay with that. I am fine with him pleasuring himself and even using porn is fine. I want to be involved in sex to enjoy the feeling of being loved by a woman.. in bed nothing happen just sleep. It is now marketers more to females also, which isnt improving relationships. Unfortunately a couple of years ago I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and under went surgery that shut me don sexually (I couldnt even masturbate any more) This has killed all hope we had to try and have a sexually normal marriage. The wife does not want to start sex and me asking her OVER and OVER and OVER got to her and her rejections and excuses got to me felt like there is always some excuse. You should make an effort to equally share the responsibilities because you care about her and your relationship, not because you hope it'll win you sex. She will sit in bed on her phone though. The frequency began to dwindle a few years back and now has been more than a year since we have had sex.

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