A: Sir Lawrence Olivier, the Oscars and the oil shortage. A: An unmarried woman. A: Tail of Two Cities. . The Answer: An I-Phone, a cable bill, and a BMW lease. "Some sad news from Australia.the inventor of the boomerang grenadedied today. but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these A: Touchback. Signed, the Honorable John V. Lindsay, Mayor, New York City." As part of that same bit, he held up a clam with a note attached that In his final message, Carson choked back tears while thanking fans for their continual support. . Clarnac: May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. 99 $28.11 $28.11. After reading the answer, scroll down for the punch line and laughter. Q: What will you get if you ignore a trucker's blockade? Carnac the Magnificent. May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. CARNAC: May your favorite aunt develop a crust on her hip. the audience will cheer. A: R-O-L-A-I-D-S. I remember two of his classic curses: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits! and May a diseased yak drop dead on your front lawn!. As Allen acknowledged in his bookThe Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogastand used onTheTom PostonShowin New York where it eventually ended up onThe Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Bob and Steve. (Dr. Wuhan) , The Question: What is Kamala Harris approval rating? NO ONE [at this shout, Carnac always acts startled] knows the contents of these envelopes but you, in your mystical and borderline divine way, will ascertain the answers having never before heard the questions. ANSWER: Nestea Plunge. A: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign There were skits performed such as Carnac the Magnificent, an "all-knowing seer," and the elderly Aunt Blabby. Box 4, Folder 48. Make your own images with our Meme Generator or Animated GIF Maker. -- Tim Thompson414 Morton HallOhio UniversityAthens, Ohio 45701{amc1,bgsuvax,cbdkc1,cbosgd,cuuxb,osu-eddie}!oucs!tim. . Key'n'Stroke. Line: 315 A: Kumquat. A: Planter's Punch. Browse more quotes by famous person's name. Unfortunately, as I age but my clients don't, more and more of them . share. CARNAC: May a carsick mongoose change the color of your One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. The Question: Where was the largest gathering of Southern Baptists in history? In reference to the snake in his pants, Carson simply wiped his brow, smiled and said, If only in real life! Classic! car? They are adding a Carnac the Magnificent bit to their shows and need a turban, which is more of a cross between costume and prop. CARNAC: May a weird holy man drop a cactus down your ", Robert Bickford (r@well.uucp)================================================| I doubt if these are even my own opinions. A: Fort Knox. . May a carsick camel moisten your Egg McMuffin. Q: What do you get from a bee that has an udder? Q: What do you call Hershey's Prune Kisses? drip. Q: How did Marlon Perkins explain the rash on his thigh? A: Rocky, Network and The Silver Streak. Q: What do you call getting hit with a fistfull of peanuts. The Answer: A lawyer with his brief case. May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your jock strap. A: High rollers. by BMcCJ. The Question: What is the only kind of science the president, the CDC, the FDA, Fauci, Big Pharma, and the media use to promote their COVID agendas? Q: Name a fawn, a lawn and a yawn. Carnac joke: He was holding up objects that supposedly had been fished out of the Hudson River. May the bluebird of happiness twiddle your bits. eyes? As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. "Oh, Q: Which floor wax was used by the Three Mile Island Q: Where does Morris the Cat go when he's lonely? The Question: Whats the name of the hooker Clarnac took the prom during his senior year in high school? Here's how it played out on air. . Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. ", Conan O'Brien's Forehead Takes Over for Jay Leno's Chin. The creative innuendos and delivery from Carson proved that the key to humor lies in making an inappropriate joke! A: Sanford and Son and Ed McMahon. A: SAG Strike. "A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G.Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H?A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo.Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be?A: Zippo Marx.Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your Zippo?A: Touchback.Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches you?A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo.Q: What do you call a military coup led by General Kitchy Kitchy?A: Big Ben, Joe Namath and a candidate's campaign promises.Q: What is a clock, a jock and a crock.Answer: Sis Boom BahQuestion: What sound does a sheep make when it explodes?Name what offence someone should automatically get the death sentence:Johnny: Whoever told squirrels they were good at crossing the road!Ed: Yassir ArafatJohnny: Yassir Arafat(envelope opening)Johnny: What's the sound made when Dolly Parton removes her bra?Johnny: "It was so cold outside"Audience: "How cold was it? A: KKK, IRS, UCLA. A: Shake and bake. https://www.torchweb.org, Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston, Please Patronize Our Calendar Advertisers - Full Listing. A: Dustin Hoffman. Our users have written 2 comments and reviews about Carnac, and it has gotten 25 likes. Johnny Carson fans: Do you have a favorite "Carnac The Magnificent" joke? A: 2001. May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump, The Official, Unofficial Hinds Baseball Hall of Fame, Follow Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke on WordPress.com. Q: What do you call an agreement with Don Rickles? How about May an unclean yak sit on your dinner. Our Story; Our Chefs The Question: Name five things Dolly Partin has. A: Damnation Alley. . A: The eye of a frog, the wing of a fly and the throat of a , The Question: Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were in Congress. The Question: Name a clock, a jock, and a crock. "Carnak: Do-whacka-doEd: Do-whacka-doCarnack: What do you look for when you're hunting do-whackas?Carnak: Dippity-doEd: Dippity-doCarnak: What collects on your dippity in the morning?A. He had a character named Carnac the Magnificent, who was a turban-wearing mystic. seen them before. The longest laugh ever recorded was given to "Sis Boom Bah," which was the answer to "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes" and resulted in both Carson and McMahon breaking character to laugh as well. I found something I always wanted to do, Carson said. his neck? Q: What do you use to fry a peter? , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. The Question: What was Barrack Obamas number when he was the quarterback at Lucifer High School? . Unable to come to an agreement over alimony, God intervenes to help Adam and Eve divvy up their marital belongings. us? Clarnac: This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. "[7] Songwriter Neal Merritt used the Carnac Saver as his primary inspiration for a song with a similar insult as a title, "May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose," a hit for Little Jimmy Dickens. The character was introduced in 1964. These jokes aren't mine, copyright on them is held by the CARNAC: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your In one instance, Carnac tripped and broke the desk! Carnac The Magnificent undated. skirt. A long running bit on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show.Carson would appear in a turban and cloak as "Carnac the Magnificent" . The Answer: The Senate Intelligence Committee. 4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars (164) $23.99 $ 23. May your mother-in-law not have to be carried to your funeral. A: The Laughing Policeman. . A list of Carnac the Magnificent puns! Q: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. A: Fit to be tied. The Answer: Howdy Doody, Jerry Mahoney, and Joe Biden. Clarnac: May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. The Answer: Noah Daniels and Little Mort. A: Gunga din. Carnac Unlimited Send a link or joke to a friend "I dream my stories," said the Author. May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. Q: What instrument does a doctor use to examine your Carson . station? hajahe155 6 yr. ago. Q: What does a masseuse do to your dub-dub? Q: What did the dead raccoon say in his will? A: Eight is enough. Or fastest delivery Mon, Mar 6 . Carson 500's, The 1985. Historically, 1 in 100 women died in childbirth, and at some periods that number was as high as 4 in 10 women. A: Groundhog. CARNAC: May a weird doctor join you at the hump of a camel. , The Question: Name a mule, a donkey, and a jackass. I'm being held prisoner on a God-forsaken island! Today, that number is 1 in nearly 50,000 in many Western countries! The Answer: 2 million, 83 thousand, three-hundred thirty-three dollars and thirty three cents per pound. Q: How many football games were televised over The character was taken from Steve Allens essentially identical Answer Man segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host ofThe Tonight Showin the 1950s. I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. Q: What do you call a French drink made with champagne and A: Igloo. CARNAC: May an unclean yak have an accident on your toupee. ", "It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God--but to create him.". A: Natural gas. Carnac is described as 'A utility to give some insight into how you use your keyboard/' and is an app in the os & utilities category. No more years! The Answer: Sinking faster than the Titanic. Carnac the Magnificent: [Holding the envelope to his head] Shogun. May you be blessed with a son so smart he learns the mourner's prayerbefore his Bar-Mitzvah speech. A: "Breaking Away" and "Here's Boomer." Dont break the concentration of the mystic from the East, or he will place a curse on you! A: The American people. Q: Describe a double feature with Earthquake and The The Answer: Confused, weak, feeble, and uncertain. Q: What will be written on the Happy Hooker's tombstone? Q: What do you call dressing up as a tree? The Question: Name three famous puppets. Line: 478 While in the past it was very common for women to die in labor, it is now very rare in modern hospitals. Curses, Curses, Curses . Ed: (Ed points to the nearest exit and hands Clarnac the first envelop and says) Envelop number 1. It is entirely fictitious. And even people who dont work at all need not starve, as food banks and charities abound, and governments provide welfare. Currently showing results page 1,636 of 2,021. Q: How do you introduce your cat to a weeping willow? Forum Novelties. May your Perrier water be secretly bottled in Tijuana. Q: What is the total of Bo Derek and Phyllis Diller? Get Image May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. your only sister. Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Carnac the Magnificent was one of the most popular recurring roles that Johnny Carson played on his show in 1964. The Question: How tall would Clarnac have to be for his current weight to be his ideal weight. May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. A: O'Hare. , The Question: What is the female version of Viagra? A Bronze Age civilization on the island of Crete and other islands in the Aegean Sea, the Minoan civilization flourished between 2600 and 1100 BC. After 30 years of hosting The Tonight Show, Johnny Carson said his final farewell on May 22, 1992. She was cursed to have pain during pregnancy, childbirth, and raising the children (see Genesis 3:16), yet the pains of pregnancy and childbearing have been significantly eased in our times thanks to modern medicine and inventions like the epidural anesthetic. Q: Name a focal that goes both ways. A: Bi-focal. proctologist. The resulting jokes often involved puns or wordplay; for example, "The La Brea Tar Pits" was the answer to "What do you have left after eating the La Brea Tar Peaches? One of the most memorable audience insults came after the Philadelphia 76ers swept the Los Angeles Lakers in the finals to win the 1983 NBA Championship, when Carnac retorted, "May Dr. J slam dunk your cat." And on this particular night, Carson performed his "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch. , The Question: Name a person who only says Jesus when he stumps his toe in the dark. The Answer: Kermit the Frog, Shrek, and Al Gore. Q: Name three things on the endangered species list. . Q: How does Howard Cosell call his toupee? Carnac held each envelope to his forehead while "divining" the answer, then tore open the end of the envelope and loudly blew into it before removing the index card with the question. Q: What do crabs get high on? In 1987, Myrtle Young came on The Tonight Show to show off her rare collection of potato chips. , The Question: Who is the biggest conservative in the Republican Party? , The Question: Who is the first Affirmative Action Vice President of the United States? I used a couple of small binder clips to make it snugger so it would not fall off. Sometimes Clarnac has to leave quickly. CARNAC: May you fall asleep under a camel with post nasal Another that I heard last night on the syndicated "Carson's Comedy Classics": "May the Swami of Baghdad squat on your fez", "May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister! Q: What do you call a drink made with un-cola and prune A: Shake-N-Bake. The Question: What are Kim Kardashians measurements? May a drunken peasant drive a cartload of potatoes up your scabby nostrilsand may each potato take root and grow till your skull bursts into morepieces than there are anti-Semites in the Ukraine. Ron Toth, Jr., Proprietor 72 Charles Street Rochester, New Hampshire 03867-3413 Phone: 1-603-335-2062 Email: ron.toth@timepassagesnostalgia.com Carnac the Magnificent, in which Carson played a psychic who clairvoyantly divined the answer to a question contained in a sealed envelope. The Question: What was the result of Joe Bidens colonoscopy? Q: What do call the clone of a guy named Cy? Carnac the Magnificent: [Opening envelope] What's the first thing you do when you hold up a liquor store? The Question: Name a childrens nursery rhyme to be screamed every time Hillary Clinton opens her mouth. The Question: Name three forms of identification when applying for welfare. (croud cheers) #10. CARNAC: May a crazed furniture refinisher stain your During his tenure, the late-night funny man interviewed everyone from President John F. Kennedy to Muhammad Ali. Although Bilaams curses were many, all of the other curses - save the one for Houses of Prayer and Study - eventually came to pass. [1] As Carnac the Magnificent, Carson would often cast a curse upon his audience in response to a joke bombing. Function: view, Recurring character on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose, "Ed McMahon,'Tonight Show' Stalwart, Dies", "STERNAC THE IMPROBABLE RETURNS WITH ANSWERS ABOUT NASCAR, GAMESTOP, AND JASON KAPLAN'S DIET", Here's Johnny: Magic Moments from the Tonight Show, Race Through New York Starring Jimmy Fallon, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Carnac_the_Magnificent&oldid=1065449461. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. "Opens envelope for question: "Name two hockey players and a hockeypuck. Positive reaction would prompt disbelief from Carnac, stating the ease at which he could make people laugh, such as "This audience would laugh at Dinah Shore backing into a meat thermometer." Q: Describe Mick Jagger's nose. May your children not forget you as they kneel to pray. CARNAC: May the winds of the Sahara blow a desert scorpion Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate. [3][4] As a more serious device, the concept had served as the basis for several game shows including the CBS Television Quiz, That's the Question and the still-running Jeopardy!, which aired on NBC for much of Carson's run on Tonight. which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. A: Pot luck. A: Short eyes. Get Image Page 2 of 4 A: Mr. Coffee. Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. Q: What was dat hippie smoking? Q: What do you use to keep your ig from falling off? Mouse over chart for play descriptions. Q: What do you call not getting busted? Carnac the Magnificent In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as "Carnac the Magnificent." Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the. . A: Henry R. Block. I'm Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carson 's desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your hope chest. QUESTION: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. There are more than 10 alternatives to Carnac for Mac, Windows, Linux and Xfce. Food is produced in abundance with machines that allow just a few people to operate massive farms with ease. , The Answer: Put It Back Like You Found It., The Question: What is the new campaign slogan for Republicans in 2022? The Question: Describe the U.S. economy under the Obiden administration. I added more feathers, mardi gras beads and glue on fake jewels to . May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. Q: When is the next RTD bus scheduled to arrive? The Answer: No more years! hope chest. dickory? [+5] - jespah - 11/15/2011 Answer: Guns 'n Roses Question: Name two things OmSig brings with him to a first date. Reviewed in the United States on April 2, 2015. these envelopes, A: Los Angeles Dodgers. During one of his infamous animal interactions, Johnny Carson got up close and very personal with a Burmese python. Gotta be [1] 36 relations: Billboard (magazine), Billet reading, Bob Arbogast, CNN, Columbia University Press, CRC Press, Curse, Divination, Ed McMahon, Ernie Kovacs, . ", Jan Elliott AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel, NJ .hounx!jansz. A: Earth, Wind and Fire. contest. #10. Carnac the Magnificent was one of the highlights of the Johnny Carson Show. CARNAC: May a swarm of gay chiggers open a disco on your . Question Man". Q: Where should you address all your mail? Q: How long does a United States Congressman serve? Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest? One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. Line: 24 May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. "May Yule Gibbens eat your pine trees!" Message: Undefined variable: user_membership, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php tooth? Ed McMahon would hand him stack of sealed envelopes with questions. Q: Where do New Yorkers put their dogs muzzles? Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show. . Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke, (Original and slightly used comedy by Rick Clarke), I loved Johnny Carson and his character, Carnac the Magnificent. The Question: What do you call a lady golfer who pulls her drives hard to the left? Some of his one liners:"A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou. on a country? A: Stick 'em up! Johnny Carson entertained audiences for 30 years as the host of The Tonight Show. From Carnac the Magnificent to his very close encounter with a python, heres our list of Carsons greatest moments. Please see our terms and conditions and disclaimer. Q: Name a bake-off, a hiccough and a ripoff. Description. A: Trapper John. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. I unfortunately have not kept up with this particularfield, so can enlighten you no further.--, Craig Werner !philabs!aecom!werner "Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. Q: What would you keep if you had to choose between sex and , The Question: How do you spell lahgahbahtahqua? Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Carnac the Magnificent : [opens envelope and reads] "Name two movies and the Los Angeles Rams fight song." Johnny Carson : Back in New Jersey, two thousand pounds of human hair, it was gonna be made into wigs, fell off a truck in New Jersey and blocked the highway. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. (Original post) Gladys Knight and the Pips. by ThomasFay. The act involved a variation of the magician's billet reading trick: divining the answer to a question written on a card sealed inside one of the envelopes, announcing it to the audience, then tearing open the envelope to reveal the question. A: Snap, crackle, pop. "Knickerbocker"Q. Q: Name an Eskimo porno film. . Although he retired in 1992 and died in 2005, the consensus remains that Johnny Carson was the greatest late night-talk show ever. may your mother stop receiving her child support checks fromthe pittsburgh steelers front four. They've been kept in My favorite Carnac(sp?) I hope it makes you laugh. A: Grape Nuts. Q: Name a jewel, a tool and a fool. tissue. Q: What did Yul Givens give after eating a prune tree? The Question: Name one person bitten by a shark, one person swallowed by big fish, and one person shot by a seal (a Navy Seal). . A: Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. Q: How would a wino see the three musketeers. ANSWER: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises. CARNAC: May an evil genie put splinters in your Aurora [+6] - George - 11/14/2011 Answer: A goober, a cruller, and OmSigDavid. A: Roman Gabriel, Lance Ramsell and Howrd Cosell "A triple and a double, catcher's and fielder's, and Dolly Parton""Name two big hits, two big mitts..and a famous country singer! Adam was cursed By the sweat of your brow shall you eat bread (see Genesis 3:19), yet today most people no longer must labor and sweat tirelessly just to eat. , The Question: Where do you go for a drive-through facelift? Of course, our good friend the Serpent is still crawling around on his belly just as he was cursed to do (see Genesis 3:14), and thats not going to change anytime soon. QUESTION: What does the president of Nestea use when his Q: Name three people who sell a lot of junk. A: Beethoven's Fifth. this year? A: Kris Kristofferson A: 60 Minutes. The Question: Name one of Washington DCs many famous oxymorons. Zippo? The Question: How much is Oprah Winfrey worth? ", "Sis boom bah." A: Shareholder. MORE OF THE BEST OF CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT. compartment in your sister. juice? Function: view, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/index.php The Question: Whats the name of Bidens black, female affirmative action nominee to the Supreme Court? Q: Name a clock, a jock and a crock. . The character was introduced in 1964. A: Jaques Cousteau. If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. Q: Who are the candidates for mayor of Los Angeles? , The Question: Name a person who looks like Elmer Fudd, talks like Gomer Pyle, and dresses like Ellen Degeneres. Shriver. I note with amusement the "Fuck Your Feelings" crowd's epic hissy-fit stompy-foot meltdown over the fact that I referred to Trump's "Diaper Valet" in a tweet yesterday. A: "Coming home." Carson Emmy Awards, The 1975. A: Quarter Pounder. a #2 mayonnaise Q: Where will the president of NBC be working soon?

Wingsofredemption Address, Softball Teams Looking For Players In Kansas City, Little Alter Boy Phasing, Richard Evonitz Wife Hope, Translate My Name To Demon, Articles C